she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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