He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my phone needs a breathalizer
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
