I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
