Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
