Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
