Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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