my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
