You made me cry and you don't even care
I want to have your abortion
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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