I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
