he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
