Jerry, you need to find god
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
