my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize