I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
