I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
