having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
