He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
