thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
