So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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