if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
