Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
