Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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