your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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