I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
