This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
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I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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