listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize