I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
