NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize