It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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