i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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