He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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