You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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