I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
