someone owes me an orgasm
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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