Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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