What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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