I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
