help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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