Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The power of my boobs compel you
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
