i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
