I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
