I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
