Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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