My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
