btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
