im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
