Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
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I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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