i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
