so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
