You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
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Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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