I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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