if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Randomize
