the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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