Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
