apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
