Where did you get a picture of my penis
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
