I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
