Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im holly from the hills drunk
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
