john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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